April 14, 2013
“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.” Jeremiah 6:16
I feel like I should write something before I embark on my pilgrimage and maybe even keep it as the first chapter of my journal.
Writing about and focusing on why I go on pilgrimage is far more difficult than I would ever imagine. After all, it is my life, my decision and the dream. None of this makes it any easier, all of this fills me with peace and every day I see another good reason to go! I should be able to give an answer, right?!
I often wonder how/why people learn about the St.James’s Way. To be honest, I never heard about it before and I believe I learned about it exactly when I needed it most and when I was “mature” enough to understand it and learn from it. And I also wonder how many of you learn about it now because you are about to grow for it!
And that’s why I go! Now!
Two very hard and challenging years. The time of spiritual awakening. Blessing and gratitude. Faith.
Someone, long time ago (very very long time ago), planted a seed. People and circumstances in my life watered it and now I begin to feel the warmth of the sun, the freshness of air and understand the meaning of storms. As new as it is for me, I constantly stumble and fall and feel more insecure than ever before which, however, seems to be ok from what I heard. I am on the right path. I feel good, content and happier than ever before. Not because of something or someone. I choose to be happy and in love every morning when I wake up. I work on it and I practice and sometimes I fail. Hard work on some days. I explore! I learn a lot every day and in many different ways.
And the most important lesson I learn every day, again and again, is patience! How important it is! To have patience with myself and with others, patience for the right time and the right result.
Patience is never a waste of time. Patience is not idleness either. In fact, patience is very active discipline and awareness.
For me, the last two years, when I was patiently waiting/working towards who I am today and hopefully who I am going to grow to, prove this lesson.
And how do you know you are on the right path and becoming a person you are supposed to be?
You know it when you are thinking about it – understanding everything from the very beginning is not necessary; there comes the lesson on patience and results when the time is right. And when your decision is right, all things will come together to make your dream come true.
I once heard that we should let the peace be the umpire for us in this. Inner peace is the answer. Restlessness is a powerful force too and a sort of companion of peace. Ideally, restlessness should direct us from what is not right for us, what does not nurture our soul or comforts our heart. I go because I feel peaceful about it.
That’s basically how far I got until I found out about the pilgrimage.
It is more than that but may this be the main lesson for now. Next week, I will take another step. And I will take many more on the 800km/five week long journey just to (re)discover it is not about the destination.
I want to discover my heart of pilgrim. I need to become stronger and braver. I hope I can get healed from the wounds and scares both physical and emotional. I long for connection, purpose and spiritual miracle. …
ps. If you want or need to go on a pilgrimage too but can’t at the moment, I can carry your prayers with me, they will surely be answered along the way. But please don’t hold any negative emotions of any kind towards me for doing the pilgrimage, there is a lot behind the surface which you wouldn’t want to take.